


My Family, by Angus McDonald

by bluejorts



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, PLEASE GIVE THIS A CHANCE I HATE FIRST PERSON FICS TOO, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 18:18:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejorts/pseuds/bluejorts
Summary: Angus might not ever go to school again, but he was always one for writing essays.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i was gonna write this in third person but like,,, it actually works better like this

**My Family**

an essay by Angus McDonald

 

A family can be anything. This is something I have learned over the past year. I grew up with a Mom and a Pop, I had a two grandpas and a grandma - my other grandpa died when I was very small, so I never met him. 

 

Something bad happened in the city where my mom’s mom and dad lived, and I haven’t seen them since. Mom used to say that they moved away, but I’ve always been a good detective. I know what happened to them. 

 

Mom got sick, and Pop started coughing, and they sent me on a train to see my last grandad (I didn’t know him very well and I was too anxious about meeting him alone to realise why they were sending me away). I haven’t heard from them since. I’m scared to go back to where they were. 

 

On the train I met some really interesting people. There was a woman who could lift me above her with one hand, and a man who didn’t seem to happy with where he was, and a crook with a misleading bow-tie. And there was Taako, and Magnus, and Merle. I’ll admit I didn’t like them too much when I met them at first. They were bullies, they were rude, and they misjudged me. I didn’t think I’d see them again, I was actually perfectly happy in that knowledge. I wasn’t happy in the knowledge that they knew more than me, that they had these static words that even my great detecting work couldn’t decipher. 

 

When I went to my grandad, he didn’t recognise me, and it hurt. His memory was frayed and full of burned holes. I didn’t want to stay with him, he didn’t feel like family any more. I did some more detective work, people always misjudged, and they were always surprised by me. That felt good. 

 

The Director came up to me after I was searching for mentions of static items. She terrified me, her back stiff and her emotions undetectable under this mask of business she wore. She doesn’t scare me anymore. I know how tired she is, how much she needs to fulfill her purpose. She feels like - she’s a mother to me now. My Mom was amazing, she was bright and kind and smart. She would buy me books and show me magics. The Director is a different kind of mother. She’s stern, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile properly (not openly, at least. But sometimes I’ve caught the smallest suppressions of a grin when the reclaimers do something ridiculous). She’s just as kind as my Mom but in small ways. She gives me storybooks that I don’t recognise, and she uses my talents for detecting rather than trying to keep me all the way out of trouble. 

 

She’s old. I don’t know exactly how old, but sometimes her eyes look back centuries. And she’s guilty, of what I do not know. Her hair is white and kept tight in a proper bun. She stands upright as though being forced to, her human body short but imposing. Her skin is black and her outfits are dark always, and covering every inch of her. I think she’s mourning, but I’ve never been brave enough to ask who, or what. 

 

She told me I would be helping the reclaimers. I’d met them before of course; Taako, and Magnus, and Merle. 

 

Magnus Burnsides was the only one who was outwardly pleased to see me. He was kind. I think that’s his default setting. He reminds me of my father, but I don’t think I’d call him my dad. I don’t think there’s a family member that fits with what he is to me. 

 

I know he’s made mistakes. I know he has a lot of regrets, you can see it in the way he walks. A man as big as him should walk proudly, but sometimes he cowers. It’s as if he doesn’t want to be seen, he wants to be smaller, he wants his mistakes to not be there. He’s big for a human, upwards and outwards. Merle once said he looks like a mostly shaved bugbear, and I don’t think that’s too far off for his body, but his face isn’t bearish. He has slanted eyes that are a dark, warm monotone brown. His clothing under his armour is loose and comfortable, and where his skin is visible it is pale but tanned and scarred (how couldn’t it be, he’s an adventurer) and his smiles are broad. And he has these huge sideburns that have outgrown his beard, and hair that is wild and thick. His hair is really the only thing that shows that he’s hit thirty. There are grey patches that he has not really tried to hide. 

 

It’s silly, but sometimes I feel like my family could be immortal and then I look at Magnus’ hair and I realise that they aren’t. 

 

I don’t think of him as a dad, but sometimes I think Magnus thinks of himself as one. He’s shooed me off to bed more times than I can count, he’s given me piggy backs and forced me to go shopping for summer clothes with him. He teases me, and he swears at me. I feel a lot of the time that he thinks of me as family too. He’s the one that cares about me, that tells Taako and Merle to lay off me. 

 

Taako Taaco is a jerk. I say that in the nicest way those words can be said. He’s confusing and rude, but that’s not always bad. In this family I’ve found, Taako is my brother. He can be an ass to me, but he spends time with me, and he looks out for me. Taako taught me magic. My Mom was going to but, well, now I have Taako instead. He’s a very talented wizard, the way he acts would fool you, but he’s smart. He hides a lot of himself away, behind a screen of stupidity and jokes. I don’t really know why. I think he’s worried people won’t like him, I think he’s worried people don’t like him anyway. That he’s not meant to be where he is, and if he lets his facade slip he’ll be thrown out. He does a lot of pushing away, he doesn’t trust, he’s complicated. Sometime he gets a look in his eye, a sadness that doesn’t make sense to me. I think he’s lonely? He’s an elf, so that would make sense. He spends so much time with people so much younger than him, with lifespans half of his. I wonder if he ever thinks about that, that if things go their natural cause, I’ll die before he reaches old age. That Magnus will be gone so soon. That we’re all -

 

Taako is very tall, taller even than Magnus (since he’s an elf). He stands over a head above him, long and thin. His hat makes him even taller, though it bends under the weight of the hundred odd years he’s probably had it. It’s patchy and outdated but he won’t get rid of it. I’ve seen him hold it, run the copper moon hanging from it in his fingers. He tucks his hair all under it sometimes, which is a very impressive feat since he has so much. His hair is long and curly, incredibly thick and messy. This kind of stark white that looks sometimes dead against his brown skin. His nose is upturned and his ears are long and heavily pierced. He lies very well, but sometimes his ears don’t match that, emotional as they are.

 

Taako’s clothes are mismatched and colourful. His trousers are tight leather and the occasional skirt is flowing whether long or short. I may have borrowed one of his shirts before, it was long enough for me to wear it as a dress and it brushed the ground and I had to roll the sleeves up ten times. When he found me Taako rolled his eyes and just ripped them off, told me to keep it. He calls me names, not all of them are nice but some are. My favourite is pumpkin. 

 

Merle is more confusing than Taako. He’s so - he’s so hostile towards me. He doesn’t get that way with other people and it used to really, really upset me. I had no idea why he was like that. I would try to spend time with him, to get him to like me, but he just never did. I realise why that is now. He’s guilty, not as guilty as the Director but guilty all the same. He was a bad father, and I think when he’s kind to me it reminds him of what he wasn’t there to give his own children. He threatens me because he doesn’t want to let himself get carried away caring about me. 

 

He pushes me away and I guess that’s why he doesn’t feel like a dad to me. He feels more like some kind of uncle. He doesn’t quite know the correct way to treat me. He’s always second guessing himself and not just around me but around everyone. He feels this need to prove himself. He abandoned his last family and I think he’s worried about this family leaving him instead. He doesn’t have to worry. When he’s not being an ass to me, he’s sweet. He’s thoughtful towards everyone really. I see it in his face, he’s always looking around, checking the emotions of those around him. He’s not just a physical healer, he heals hearts, he heals minds. His eyes are always searching, they’re a shifting, bright hazel that can be intimidating when he stares. His skin is so dark that they stand out against it like lights almost. I really couldn’t guess how old he is, I’m not the best at understanding dwarf lifespans. His hair is a dense silver afro that he sometimes ties up in a ponytail and there are  _ always _ flowers in it. I don’t know if he puts them there or whether they somehow grow, but they’re there. 

 

The reclaimers aren’t the only family I’ve found. The base is full of interesting people that I care about, and that care for me. There’s Carey and Killian, and Avi, and No-3113 now too. 

 

Carey and Killian are my aunts. It’s very easy to categorise them like that. 

 

Carey is only a little taller than me. She’s almost always smiling, I love that about her. Whenever I feel sad she’s just there. She brings everyone up, even when it isn’t easy. She’s open with her affections, open to giving out comfort. She loves her friends with her entire heart, and she loves Killian with her entire being. Her scales are blue and her eyes are bright emerald. She pays attention to everything around, but when you talk she won’t look away from you. She makes me feel listened to, which I don’t always feel around the base. She doesn’t seem self concious about her height, I imagine because of her class. I get jealous of that sometimes, but I’ll grow out of it She can sneak around very easily. Her clothing because of this is tight and basic, she fits in with a crowd. When she’s going to go planetside she wears hoods, plain, dark fabric to hide the brightness of her skin. 

 

Killian is oddly matched with her. She is big, and broad, and always there. It’s hard to not notice Killian. She’s kind, but not as openly sympathetic. She won’t sit and talk, she’ll take me out paintballing, distract from the bad things. That’s nice sometimes. She’s nice, always. She speaks softly, and she listens well. She gives incredible piggy backs, and better hugs. She doesn’t make fun of me for falling asleep during movie nights, not even when I fall asleep across her. Her skin is a dark olive and her tongue is black (she sticks it out at me when I catch her buying presents for Carey sometimes). Her eyes are light brown, her hair is thick, red and wiry. She wears armour and tight fabrics, things that can’t be grabbed or ripped. 

 

My family is different to how I ever thought they would be. But still I - I love them all. I love Madam Director and I love Magnus and Taako and Merle and Killian and Carey. I love everyone at the Bureau because they care for me. Because they’re my family and a family can be  _ anything _ .

  
I’m writing this in the case that something bad happens. I don’t know if anybody reading will be able to understand it. Some names might feel like static, they might look like gibberish. But I want people to know about my family. Even if you can’t know who they are, I want you to know how I feel about them - or how I felt about them. I don’t want them to be forgotten, not completely. I don’t want to be forgotten. 


	2. 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR EPISODE SIXTY SEVEN

I

I think they might leave me 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone knows css hmu i wanna see if i can static out the names once you read through it once


End file.
